[Newamba Flamingo]

I think somebody stole my cat.
It was here last night before I went out drinking and
having sexual relations with truck drivers.

Now it's not here and the window is open.
I didn't open the window;
I don't know who did.
Was it those aliens that abduct me sometimes,
make me dress up like Marilyn Monroe
and probe my orifices with chopsticks?
Did they come over again?
I told them to leave me alone!

Where did my cat go?
It's gone!
Someone must have taken it.
I WANT IT BACK!

So now I'm going around in a purple tutu to every house in my neighborhood
banging on doors asking
"Have you seen my cat?"
Most of the people just slam the door in my face
but some ask if I had a picture of it, which I don't.
They ask how they'd identify it,
and I say that I'm not sure.

Then I start dialing random cell phone numbers and
asking the people who answer if they'd seen my cat.
I get through to someone in Paraguay who curses me out in Spanish;
I don't think they have my cat.

In fact, I don't if anyone has my cat because I'm not sure it even exists.
Maybe I just imagined it
like I did with the baboon that I think lived in my closet
for a year before disappearing.
Its name was Fred but the voices in my head said its name was Steve.
I still called it Fred.

Anyway, if you see a cat somewhere it might be mine, though I'm not sure;
please return it to me regardless because I like cats.
Thanks.

[QueenOfTheScene]

a comcast guy stole my cat. for real.